Friday, October 31, 2008

Mind Your Own Business, Alaska

Maybe Todd Palin was on to something. The "Alaska First, Alaska Always" slogan of his former party might just be exactly what the doctor ordered for Alaskan politicians. Though I might proffer an additional clause: "Alaska Only".

You see, over the last year or so we've had a close-up look at Alaska's political elite and, plainly, it's not a pretty sight. If I may paraphrase Diane Court in Say Anything, "I've glimpsed our future with Alaskan politicians leading our country and all I can say is...go back." Please. Please, go back to your dog-sled races, moose burgers, and ice fishing. The combined effect of the loony Democratic primary candidacy of Mike Gravel, the through the looking-glass vice presidential candidacy of Sarah Palin, and that freshly-minted stain on the Senate courtesy of Ted Stevens create an unequivocal impression of unfitness for inclusion at the grown up table. And these are the folks you picked out the general population to lead you?

The travails of Gov. Palin are well known to all by now and need no rehash so, oh what the heck, here's Andrew Sullivan on a rant:

If you'll recall, we met Mike Gravel back in the Democratic primary. The crazy guy at the end of the stage who never got a question. You remember him, the one who made Dennis Kucinich appear reasonable by contrast. The one who gave this unforgettable ad:

The only thing more bizarre than this ad, is the former far-left Democratic senator's broad-minded support of Gov. Palin as a VP nominee...
Sarah has literally come to the national scene without owing anything to any party or corporate interest––not even McCain––he needs her more than she needs him. Imagine a person a heart beat away not owned by the military-industrial complex, Wall Street, corporate America or AIPAC. WOW! Can this last? Probably not. But she does have an uncanny sense of political direction and the ability to capitalize on change like putting the public interest above Republican Party interests.
...before taking a pot-shot at her running mate...
In the interest of full disclosure: I have no intention of voting for McCain. He is too steeped in the use of military power to solve problems and American imperialism—and the wars it creates. At times McCain has been a maverick, but, unfortunately, never that consistently. There are too many temptations in Washington, even for a man born on third base.
...before falling back into derangement...
Sarah: keep up the practice of having Todd hang out with you in your official capacities. Insist that he be given a clearance equal to yours, so that you are not excluded from the full depth of his counsel. If push comes to shove, he is the only one you can trust. He must study, read and grow in your office as quickly as you. What you face is more than one person can handle.

So, on behalf of everyone here in the Lower 48, go away. Leave us alone. You come down out of your crazy Alaskan/Aleutian time zone and offer naught but bewilderment. It's been a diverting reminder to all of us that you exist, but it's really time to go back where you belong: somewhere in the recesses of our collective consciousness. Let the Lower 48 handle it. We're fine, we're good, really. In the words of your own governor, "thanks, but no thanks" for your participation in national affairs. As we say (or rather sing) down here in contiguous states, "It's one (Gravel), two (Palin), three (Stevens) strikes you're out at the old ball game". Don't act like you don't know the song, I know you play baseball up there in the land of the midnight sun:

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